Comedy Hypnotist Jonathan Royle’s New Show Voice Over Intro “Little Britain” Style for 2012

LITTLE BRITAIN STYLE VOICE OVER FOR START OF JONATHAN ROYLE’S 2012 COMEDY HYPNOSIS SHOW…. 

Obviously this will be voiced over suitable background music including the Little Britain Theme and such.

I am looking for someone who can do all of the impressions of the characters below (or several people who between them can record all the necessary sections to have this edited together)

If your able to do this, please inbox me directly on royle@magicalguru.com with an example of your work (eg of these characters) and also an idea of how much you’d charge me to record this ….

This has been Legally copyrighted – so other Hypnotists – you have been warned! 

BUBBLES DE VERE (Owes Money To Mr. Hutton)

HELLO DARLING’S – CALL ME BUBBLE’S – EVERYBODY DOES…

NOW MR. HUTTON DARLING, I’VE DECIDED DARLING ,  I’M NOT GIVING YOU THE

CHEQUE DARLING UNTIL THIS WEIGHT LOSS  PROGRAMME WORK’S FOR ME

DARLING,

AFTER ALL  YOUR IN THE  PRESCENCE OF A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN DARLING AND I DESERVE ONLY THE VERY BEST

MAJORIE DAWE’S

GOOD MORNING FAT FIGHTER’S – NOW BUBBLE’S MY DEAR  OUR WEIGHT LOSS

PROGRAMME IS THE BEST BY FAR – YOU JUST EAT DUST –LOT’S OF DUST –

THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S  LOW IN FAT….. DUST.. SO BE A DEAR AND GIVE MR. HUTTON THE CHEQUE

BUBBLE’S DE VERE

NO MAJORIE MY DARLING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I WON’T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING

LESS THAN PERSONAL TREATMENT FROM THE TOP HYPNOTHERAPIST TO THE STAR’S

DARLING.  SO GET ME  JONATHAN ROYLE DARLING AND THEN Mr. HUTTON GET’S HIS

CHEQUE OR WE CAN COME TO SOME OTHER ARRANGEMENT .

MR. MANN (I’ll wait in shop) 

ACTUALLY I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT JONATHAN ROYLE HYPNOTIST GUY AS WELL –

I’VE HEARD HE DOES AN EXCELLENT SHOW DO YOU HAVE ANY OF HIS DVD’S?

ROY THE SHOPKEEPER 

I’M AFRAID I DON’T THINK WE  HAVE ANY HYPNOTIST DVD’S. SO I’M NOT SURE

WHAT TO SUGGEST REALLY – I’LL JUST CHECK – ONE MOMENT

MARGARET – MARGARET –

MARGARET SHOPKEEPER’S WIFE

YES DEAR

ROY THE SHOPKEEPER 

I’VE GOT A MAN HERE WHO WANT’S TO KNOW IF WE HAVE ANY DVD’S OF THAT

HILARIOUS COMEDY HYPNOTIST JONATHAN ROYLE?

MARGARET SHOPKEEPERS WIFE    

NO DEAR BUT WE DO HAVE A DVD ON THE BOTTOM SHELF OF THAT OTHER

TELEVISION HYPNOTIST OR HE COULD GO AND WATCH JONATHAN ROYLE

LIVE ON STAGE TONIGHT.

ROY THE SHOPKEEPER 

WELL HOW STRANGE. I’M AFRAID WE DON’T HAVE ANY JONATHAN ROYLE

DVD’S BUT WE DO HAVE THIS DVD FROM ANOTHER TELEVISION HYPNOTIST

OR YOU COULD GO AND SEE JONATHAN ROYLE PERFORMING LIVE ON STAGE

TONIGHT.

MR. MANN (I’ll wait in shop)

ACTUALLY I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS PAUL McKENNARY.

SO I’LL WAIT. (BIG PAUSE) FOR ROYLE’S LIVE SHOW TONIGHT.

MICHAEL (PRIME MINISTER) 

A HYPNOTIST SHOW TONIGHT YOU SAY – WELL SEBASTIAN IS THIS GUY JONATHAN

ROYLE LEGAL – INSURED – SAFE & ETHICAL?

SEBASTIAN 

YES PRIME MINISTER – HE’S A FULLY TRAINED – LICENSED AND INSURED ETHICAL

HYPNOTIST WHO HAS TRAVELLED THE WORLD WITH HIS COMEDY SHOW.

TING TONG 

YES INDEED THAT JONATHAN ROYLE IS AMAZING – HE EVEN MANAGED TO

MAKE MY Mr. DUDLEY BELIEVE THAT I AM A REAL LADY.

EMILY HOWARD & FLORENCE

LADIES THING’S – AFTER SEEING JONATHAN ROYLE’S LAST SHOW WE

ARE NOW LADIES & WE DO LADIES THING’S..

HARVEY (MAN DRINKS TIT MILK FROM JANE) 

BITTY – BITTY – ALL I WANT IS BITTY AFTER THAT ROYLE GUY

TURNED ME INTO A BABY ON STAGE..

DES KAYE 

HIYA GANG – WIKEY WOO – DES KAYE HERE FROM TV’S FUNBUS

AND SINCE JONATHAN ROYLE HYPNOTISED ME AND MADE ME

BECOME MICHAEL JACKSON MY CAREER AS A KID’S ENTERTAINER

HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME – WIKEY WOO – DES KAYE OUT OF A JOB

SIR BERNARD CHUMLEY

ARGH THAT YOUNG TALENTED JONATHAN ROYLE – YES OF COURSE AFTER HE

HYPNOTISED ME  I’VE NEVER EATEN ANOTHER POLO MINT. AND HE HELPED MY SISTER

KITTY OVERCOME HERE FEAR OF HEIGHTS ……. I DID’NT PUSH HER….. SHE FELL..

VICKY POLLARD (Improvise the rubbish she says between the key points below) 

WHAT YOU LOOKING AT PERVERT – YES BUT NO BUT …. WELL ACTUALLY RIGHT THAT

JONATHAN ROYLE GUY NEVER DONE NOTHING…… HE’S INNCOCENT…. I – N – N….

INNOCENT …  DON’T GO BELIEVING A WORD THOSE NEWSPAPERS SAY – AND STOP

GIVING ME EVIL’S – THAT SARAH FROM CLASS 3 IS LYING RIGHT –

ROYLE NEVER HYPNOTISED ME INTO THINKING HE WAS A HOLLYWOOD

SUPERSTAR – AND YES I AM EDCUATIONALLY SUBNORMAL – ANYWAY DON’T LISTEN

TO HER AS EVERYONE KNOW’S SHE’S DONE IT WITH AN ALASATIAN BEHIND THE BIKE SHED’S.

LINDA FLINT 

HELLO MARTIN – IT’S LINDA.   YES…. NOW I’VE GOT A QUICK ENQUIRY FOR YOU…

I’VE GOT SEVERAL PEOPLE HERE WITH ME IN THE OFFICE THAT ARE SLIGHTLY

STRANGE.  NOW HOW CAN I DESCRIBE THEM? –  THERE’S A WOMEN WHO THINKS SHE’S

POPSTAR MADONNA, A MAN WHO THINK’S HE’S ELVIS PRESLEY,   A WOMAN WHO

THINKS SHE A MARTIAN AND A MAN SQUAWKING LIKE A CHICKEN.

YES THAT’S RIGHT I’VE GOT FOUR VOLUNTEER’S HERE FROM JONATHAN ROYLE’S LAST HYPNOSIS SHOW.

DR. LAWRENCE (Anne’s Doctor) 

ACTUALLY WE’RE MAKING VERY GOOD PROGRESS AND STAGE HYPNOTISM WAS

DECLARED COMPLETELY SAFE BY THE UK GOVERNMENT IN 1995.

LOU – CARER

THAT’S VERY TRUE BUT YOU SHOULD NOT VOLUNTEER TO TAKE PART IF YOUR UNDER 18

ANDY

YES I KNOW

LOU

AND BY LAW JONATHAN ROYLE IS NOT ALLOWED TO HYPNOTISE YOU IF YOUR

ASTHMATIC, EPILEPTIC, CLINICALLY DEPRESSED, PREGNANT OR SUFFERING

ANY SERIOUS MEDICAL ISSUES SUCH AS HEART PROBLEM’S.

Dr. LAWRENCE

AND DON’T FORGET AS I KEEP TELLING ANNE YOU SHOULD NOT VOLUNTEER

IF YOU HAVE ANY SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBELEM’S

ANNE

Egghhhh – Eggghhhhh – Eggggh

ANDY

YES I KNOW   – BUT I DON’T LIKE IT

LOU

YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT

ANDY

I DON’T LIKE THOSE STUPID LAW’S

LOU

NOW DON’T GO CAUSING A KUFFUFFLE – WE ALL NOW THAT YOU’VE

ALWAYS SAID THAT STAGE HYPNOSIS IS A COMPLETELY SAFE FORM OF HILARIOUS

ENTERTAINMENT ALLOWING THE AUDIENCE TO BECOME THE TRUE STAR’S OF THE SHOW.

ANDY

YES I KNOW

LOU

SO WOULD YOU STILL LIKE TO SEE ROYLE’S HYPNOSIS SHOW TONIGHT

ANDY

YES I WOULD

KENNY CRAIG

WELL IN THAT CASE LOOK AT THE STAGE – LOOK AT THE STAGE

NOT AROUND THE STAGE BUT AT THE STAGE – YOUR UNDER

IN A FEW MOMENTS TIME YOUR GOING TO ENJOY THE MOST

AMAZING SHOW YOU’VE EVER WITNESSED

DENNIS WATERMAN

I  COULD STAR IN IT – WRITE THE THEME TUNE – SING THE THEME TUNE

JEREMEY RANT – SHOWBIZ AGENT 

NO DENNIS I DON’T REALLY THINK THIS IS YOUR THING,

DENNIS WATERMAN

OH ALRIGHT THEN

KENNY CRAIG

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION AND LOOK AT THE STAGE

NOT AROUND THE STAGE BUT AT THE STAGE – YOUR UNDER.

COULD WE HAVE SOME PROFESSIONAL STAGE LIGHTING

READY TO WELCOME JONATHAN ROYLE TO THE STAGE

PLEASE?

CAROL BEER 

THE COMPUTER SAY’S NOOOOO………..

RAY McCOONEY (Scottish Guy With Hotel) 

YEAHESS….

I HEAR YA TALKING ABOUT JONATHAN ROYLE……..

SOME ASK ME IF I’M HIS BIGGEST FAN – MAY BE I AM AND MAYBE I’M NOT…

BUT RIDDLE ME THIS AND RIDDLE ME THAT

WILL HE MAKE YOU THINK YOU’RE A DOG

OR MAKE YOU THINK YOU’RE A CAT….

YE KNO TOO MUCH… YEAHESS

KENNY CRAIG 

FOR THE LAST BLOODY TIME – CAN EVERYBODY PLEASE PAY ATTENTION..

LOOK AT THE STAGE NOT AROUND THE STAGE BUT AT THE STAGE – YOUR UNDER.

DAFFYD

LADIE’S AND GENTLEMEN, HE’S NOT GAY HE’S JUST A LITTLE BIT PUFFY…

PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER AND WELCOME LIVE ON STAGE

THE ONLY HYPNOTIST IN THE THEATRE TONIGHT…

BRITIAN’S VERY OWN – JONATHAN ROYLE

© JONATHAN ROYLE – 2011.

ALL RIGHT’S RESERVED.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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